After-to the end (page 350)

Dom calls Dr. Bacon to the stand. This was one of the most interesting parts of the book for me, because I finally got to know what was going on inside Devon's head. Dr. Bacon says that denial is a defense mechanism, and this is what Devon used. Devon's painful reality was when she first had sex, and that triggered everything else. She denied to herself that she ever had sex at all. So, in her head, it never happened, so she couldn't possibly be pregnant. She denied this because she did not want to be like her mother, she was determined to be the extreme opposite from her mother. Devon set up rule number one: no sexual activity, and then she broke it, which is unforgivable in her mind. Devon did not use protection because if she did, it would have been like she had planned to have sex. Not only did Devon deny it, but everyone around her did also. Either they didn't notice or they didn't say anything. So, it came time for the birth. For eight or nine months, no pregnancy or baby existed for Devon. Most women would be picking out clothes and names and nursery wall colors, but for Devon there was no baby. So when it finally came, she had to continue to hide it, just like she had been doing to herself and others. To Devon, the baby wasn't a living thing. So she scooped it up with all the evidence and threw it away. Out of sight, out of mind. Devon is somewhat shocked that Dr. Bacon had concluded all of this from the few times she has spoken with her. Dr. Bacon continues to say that most women who abandon their babies are not planning to kill their baby. It's just a matter of panic. Devon realizes she's not the only one.

The prosecutor has his closing remarks. He talks about how this baby was destined to the landfill, an anonymous graveyard. Devon wonders if she really had meant for that to happen. Devon remembers more. She comes back from the kitchen with a trash bag, intense pain all over. She sees IT flailing in the sink, she peers into the basin, hesitates for a moment and then tosses a towel over the baby and scoops it up and bundles it into the bag. She empties the waste basket into the bag also, and heads outside to the garbage bin behind the apartment. She yanks open the lid, closes her eyes and drops the bag amongst the other trash.

Dom makes her closing remarks, contrasting with the prosecutor who spoke of a plan, Dom says the whole story was of a lack of a plan. Devon never planned any of this. She says Devon should stay in the juvenile detention center because she needs therapy, and adult jail does not have that. The judge comes to a decision, whether or not to keep Devon at Remann Hall until trial or not. He decides that Devon will stay in custody here until the trial. Dom congratulates Devon. Devon's mom is excited. They had one. But Devon still feels like she lost.

Devon, her mom, and Dom step into the conference room. Dom is happy, talking about all the possibilities and how she thinks they have a good chance of winning. "This whole thing could go away," she says. But Devon says she wants to plead guilty at the trial. She knows what she did was wrong, and she feels bad about it. She had hoped her baby was dead, even though she never planned to kill it. She knows she should have to face the consequences, even if it means giving up some of her life. She wants to plead guilty because she is guilty. Dom complies, promising Devon the best deal she can get. Then, Devon feels free. She is no longer bound to this. She has won.