...I'll Be Dead- to the end

I have finished the book, but I have definetely not finished blogging about it, so I will quickly sum it up so I can begin blogging about my next book.

Daelyn continues erasing herself. She has less than two weeks now. She spends a lot of time online. But she decides to IM Santana. She asks him if she could borrow his laptop, and spells her name out for him. On through-the-light she sees the way to go "drowning". She decides she will use this method.

The next day, Santana comes over to Daelyn when she is sitting on the bench, pulling a cart of laptops. Computer freak. She borrows his small, new laptop, telling him she only needs it for ten days.

Back online. She goes to the sexual assault forum and tells her story. A popular boy, a little older than she was, he was in eighth grade, started walking by Daelyn after school or in the halls. He got Daelyn to fall for him, though they barely spoke. One day Daelyn forgot her lunch money so she went to her locker to get it, and the boy was there in the hall with his friends. They came up to her and started provoking her. They took her money and ran into the boys bathroom and she chased them. They surrounded her, they touched her and undressed her. They left her in a stall, she was sticking and bloated. They told on her. They told the teacher that she was a pervert, hiding in there and watching the boys. She didn't tell anybody the truth, because they threatened to kill her.

Santana confronts her. The night before he had IMed her but she didn't respond. He says she should stick to the agreement that made for Daelyn to borrow his laptop, she has to communicate with him. He tells her he is lonely. He doesn't have any friends because he is homeschooled. He has Hodgkins Lymphoma. Cancer. Daelyn's not sure if she believes this. Or wants to believe it.

Emily is continuing to be nice to her. Daelyn isn't sure how she feels about that. Santana is pushing their relationship. He grabs her arm and looks at the scars there. He wants to know if she was scared. Good question. They develop an understanding. He calls her, six days before she goes. He asks her if she wants to have dinner on his birthday, which is the same day she is supposed to die. She hangs up on him.

At five days, she comes clean on the final forum for bullied. She tells the story of fat camp. She spent a summer there, in Arizona. The counselors were college students, they yelled at you and called you names. There method for making you lose weight was making you feel so horrible about yourself and making you believe that you were disgusting and ugly, so you wanted to lose the fat faster. They didn't use your name. The kids at camp were called by their weight number. At night, they played tapes to convince you that you were fat and had to lose weight in order to feel good about yourself. It was the worst experience of Daelyn's life. It didn't help her situation. They made her hate herself

At four days, Kim tells Daelyn that she will go to Santana's house in the afternoon. Daelyn doesn't want to do this. But she hasn't a choice. After school Santana is their with his Mom Ariel and they take her into their home. Everything is sterilized. Daelyn hears about their life. About Santana's dad (died before he was born). During this conversation Daelyn actually laughs. Santana hears this, and he's shocked. Ariel has to rush off to work so they are left alone. Daelyn decides she will do homework.

At two days, Chip arranges for Daelyn to go to Santana's place again after school. Oh boy. And Daelyn has been reminded that she can try to talk again now because her vocal chords are probably healed up.

In choir, a mean girl picks on Emily for being fat. Daelyn writes her a note and passes it to her. It says "She'll go to hell. They all will. If hell will even have them. Elbow me if I'm singing flat." It makes Emily laugh.

At Santana's, he orders pizza and makes root beer floats. They sit in on the living room floor while they eat, and Santana asks if she wants to watch the documentary he has made about his life with cancer. It gets a little tough to watch with videos of Santana going through chemotherapy. Santana takes Daelyn's hand. Emotions. Santana kisses Daelyn, but she pulls away soon enough. She can relate it to other times with other intentions. When she is back at home Santana messages her. He apoligizes. She knows about his life now so he asks about hers. He asks about why she has to wear the neck brace. But he says she doesn't have to answer and he signs off. But she keys back anyway. She had drank ammonia and bleach so she could die.

With one day left, Daelyn is sitting with Emily in the chapel at school. They are enjoying each others company. After a while Emily announces that her mom is sending her to fat camp. Daelyn stops. She takes Emily and says "No. Don't. Go." She SAYS it. These are the first words she has spoken in a long, long time. She speaks because she doesn't want Emily to suffer what she did, she doesn't want Emily to turn into her.

Sitting on the bench, Santana sits down next to her quietly, he says he saw her last message. He couldn't believe it. Daelyn starts to cry, and he hold her to his chest while she sobs. He says "You heal me. I heal you". Daelyn bonds herself to him. Then he says she never answered his question. And she asks him aloud "What question?". He is surprised to hear her speak. He asks her again if she wanted to have dinner with him on his birthday.

On the Day of Determination, Daelyn deletes her account. She looks around the room. There is no more Daelyn Rice. She has gotten rid of everything she ever was. Her dad calls to her. She sticks Santana's laptop in her bag and leaves. I was worried that the book would end like this; it sort of leaves it open for you to decide what happens, but I am pretty sure Daelyn chooses life. She has gotten rid of her past. She has found love, a friend. She can no longer be called "freak" anymore. The last line says "It's time. With detemination and purpose, I head into the light." By light I think she means she is heading into a new, better era of her life, and she is ready.